After saying to my friend, Daryl, "I feel like running on a treadmill OR...Eating a cookie!" last night she said I should blog about it.
Our friend Rick passed away a few weeks ago from a heart attack and yesterday I found that a classmate had died.
Rick was a wonderful and kind friend and tremendous husband to his wife. I don't think he had made 60 years yet. Pam was a wife and mother and was my age (35). They had ONE thing in common....OBESITY! I would feel comfortable writing this blog if it weren't for my personal fight with my weight (My WHOLE life). If I were one of the 'naturally thin' people I would likely just shake my head and wonder how on earth a person got there...but this I know. Furthermore, when it comes down to reality though a car accident was the precipitating event that lead to my mother's death...her heart failed in the surgery to repair her injuries and worse yet, she wore her seatbelt wrong b/c she didn't like it on her stomach, mom was 38.
I know they all had tried and had success with weight loss. I know Rick had tried MANY. Pam I only know from Weight Watchers and school. I do not pretend to know their whole stories.
I know MINE. I CAN lose weight and I often do. I get myself motivated I work hard, I count calories (or points) and I make better choices. THEN....stress comes around and all I want is to do whatever I want. My inner two year old says "you can have oreos if you want them" and I listen to her. She is a bad two year old. Yesterday at the moment I realized there has to be a lesson in this, my friend and my classmate can't have died for Oreos (or pizza or) I have to not be them. Pam left behind a daughter....it is my terrible fear to leave Duncan behind.
So last night when telling Daryl and I said "i feel like I need to get on the treadmill" Then I paused and said "or eat a cookie" It was real it was what I felt and it is the root of the problem. Our battle isn't with 10 or 100lbs it is with those single decisions. Get on the treadmill and if you have to have a cookie...ONE cookie.