Broken, my heart

I knew it was coming and I am still in shock.

Wednesday night, my beloved and loyal dog of 16 years, Reckless was failing in a way that begged me for mercy. I did the hard thing, swallowed my breaking heart back down and made the call for her. She was euthanized in my arms, on my sofa by my friend and Vet.

To strangers she was mostly aloof, to squirrels she had been a menace, to me she was ever loyal, with Duncan she was every patient. She was a thread tying my teens (19) to my adulthood. She knew me WHEN...for more things than I can say.

May the rainbow bridge resound with the sounds of her running fast today!

A very hard appointment to keep.....

Today, on my 34th Birthday, I must meet the vet and hold Ruby's head while she goes to sleep one LAST time. Ruby is my son's girl. She is a foster and came to us already old and with some issues (founder and arthritis). She has been getting more painful, more often and we can not let her endure more days of pain than of happiness. On Sunday I bathed her, clipped her little old muzzle and gave her mane a trim. She should look like a show pony even on her last day!
The photo above is of her nuzzling her silly boy (upside down?) yesterday! I just can't imagine how I am going to do this! Check out http://horse.friendsofferdinand.org/index-%20eight.html

for more about Miss Ruby Tuesday (Duncan's food obsessed mind added the Tuesday).

So, wish me strength today as I endeavor to do what is right instead of being selfish. I fully intend to give her all the goodies she could not have in her last years...sweet feed, fresh grass, apples and carrots. I would wish for chocolate cake on my last day, why not her?

A TRIBUTE ROSE

I had hoped to have some 'regular' stuff in my blog. Things like Shout outs, salutes and thank yous. Well, sadly I have been forced to do a memorial tribute instead of something more 'fun'. This is how real life is, we would like to have all roses and no thorns, but this week was a thorn.

So to day I ask my blog-friends to take a moment to pray for the family of Jerry B. He was a fellow church member, a client from years ago, the man who owned the barn where I board and my friend's dad.

I will remember Jerry for his smile, his laugh and his great hugs. He never saw my son without hugging him. He sat in the back row with us (quick escape route for me as a mom) and as he got more and more sick his absence felt like a vacuum there.

He was a Veteran, a horseman, father, grandfather, husband and a million things to the people who loved him. He will be missed by his family terribly, but I revel in the picture of him full-cheeked, smiling and healthy in heaven. I am terrible at 'this' kind of thing. I hate losing people, I hate the feeling that the world is missing a special soul. I hate feeling I can't comfort my friend, knowing the pain of parental-loss so well, I still can't fix it for her. I AM a fixer and this can't be fixed it must be survived and felt and worked through and it STINKS. It just plain stinks!

I am hoping to get a picture of Jerry to post (with his daughter -also Jerri) when the dust clears. I will add it here.

So today's "salute" goes to Jerry B: Thank you for always being kind to us, for all the hugs, all the laughs and giving my 'ponies' a happy home. I will miss you and I will see you on the other side some day!